When you hear the words “best” and “body” in the same sentence, what comes to mind? An hourglass shape? Toned abs and arms, veins ever-so subtly popping out through the skin? 2% body fat? Somewhere in-between a B and C-cup, with just the right amount of perkiness? It would be worth weighing-in with subject-matter experts, the Ying Yang Twins and Mike Jones. Their 2005 release Badd led to the conclusion that a dime (10/10) possesses three core attributes: Cute face slim waist with a big behind Now, admittingly their study is sixteen years old, but the latest 2020 research from Megan Thee Stallion confirms their findings: Body crazy, curvy, wavy, big titties, lil' waist Jokes aside, we all recognize there is a cultural standard of sexy in the West, a body we are reminded to aspire to everyday.  There are versions and flavors to this message, of course.  Maybe it’s a set of advertisements that come up before watching your selected video YouTube, like those from Kinobody. “I’m going to show you the step-by-step proven process to go from an average physique to movie-star status in twelve weeks… for the last ten years I've guided thousands of people into the single most effective step in transforming their lives, which is getting into movie-star shape. Or perhaps it’s the perfectly airbrushed photos that surround you as you sweat in the gym, on your Peloton bike or in your SoulCycle class. Maybe it’s amateur hourglass models bordering on softcore porn filling up your Explore tab on Instagram as you get lost in an endless cycle of doom-scrolling.  The amount of drool-worthy comments leaves you with envy welling up on the inside.  “You are literally THE MOST STUNNING GODDESS omgg…” Or perhaps, as crazy it sounds, it comes right out of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Yes, Marvel. Have you noticed the conveniently placed shirtless scenes featuring Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans and Chris Pratt in Thor, Captain America and Guardians of the Galaxy Even comedian Paul Rudd got shredded for his role in Ant-Man, filming a shirtless scene for the 2015 film. As we fast forward to 2021, it’s natural to wonder if this was a launching pad to his status as GQ’s Sexiest Man of the Year. Now before you go down a road of assumptions about our agenda in pointing all this out, let us clarify what we’re not saying Fitness enthusiasts, we’re not saying that working out is bad, that toned abs and/or physical health cannot be a goal.  Let us be enthused with you, because physical health is a critical goal indeed. And we’re also not demonizing all of these entities, they’re simply just playing to the same tune the rest of our culture is (and if we’re honest, we would too). But what we are wanting to contemplate is what all of this subliminal messaging is doing to us. How is it impacting our sense of worth?  Our identities? Our mental health? There’s plenty of science that can give us insight into what exactly is happening to us here, namely the art of persuasion and brainwashing techniques.  The root of it starts here: every human wants to be wanted. It’s built into our internal wiring. We cannot run away from or deny that reality. Think about it, if you existed on an island by yourself, would how you look really matter all that much, physical health aside? Thus, in our pursuit of the perfect body, acceptance is a powerful intrinsic motivator. When we are shown repetitive images of people getting praise and attention for a particular body type, it leads us to believe that we’d get that level of affirmation, if only we looked like that. It grabs our attention at our most persuadable and vulnerable moments, with the repetitiveness being the x-factor to our indoctrination.  The more we repeatedly see and hear something without critically thinking about what we're seeing, it becomes true to us, whether it is actually true or not.  This is called the illusion-of-truth effect, first identified in a 1977 study by researchers at Villanova University.  So what are we to do? If you haven’t noticed by now, this isn’t your typical best body fitness blog with six tips for a six pack. Rather we are looking to cut through the noise to actually discover what your best body is. And by the way, that actually might not fit any particular stereotype or image. But before arriving at a conclusion, we must start by observing how we typically respond to this conversation. 
    • Theory #1 is that the best body is found by leaning into and pursuing the cultural standard, accepting that it’s the norm and convinced that if we get there, we’ll feel good about ourselves.
    • Theory #2 is to push against this standard, aligning ourselves with movements like the Body Positivity one, willing ourselves to believe that our best body is as-is, right now at this very moment. 
 Regardless of your preferred approach, or if it’s somewhere in-between, none of us can run from these thoughts or this debate. Because we want to be wanted, it is inevitably going to impact us, one way or another.  It may be when we start dating someone, when we hit the gym or even just by living in a judgmental society.  It may come from external pressure from family, friends or peers. Or even if none of those things are true for you, the subliminal messaging of our culture is bound to influence you at some point, through some sort of medium. But here’s the silver lining.  As we explore the outcomes of pursuing these avenues, you’ll get the chance to critically think all this through. Data on hand, you’ll get to make an informed decision about what the path to the best body looks like for you.


“I’m still addicted to the sensation I get watching a post go crazy with comments and likes on Instagram. Casually snapping a picture and uploading it for 28 million people provides a pretty serious high.” writes Emily Ratajkowski in her 2021 memoir My Body. As a modern-day sex symbol, Ratajkowski represents the cultural standard of beauty and the end-goal for many women. If only… If only I looked like her.  For most of us, this is a felt experience from a young age. For both boys and girls, we learn how to play the ropes as we mature throughout childhood.  “I’d learned through the hierarchy of middle school that girls who were considered hot got the most attention,” Ratajkowski writes. As part of the millennial generation, it’s possible that Ratajkowski’s words evoke painful memories of what it was like to assimilate into this type of culture. For girls, to be considered hot was to be part of the in-crowd.  For boys, the requirements for entry were a bit more lenient. Regardless of your own personal attractiveness, if you were associated with and/or dating a hot girl, perhaps you gained the much-needed social cache amongst your classmates. But if you were also considered to be a hot guy with Zac Efron-esque looks, then to be associated with hot girls was merely icing on the cake.  Which goes to say that while pursuing the cultural standard of beauty is about acceptance and affirmation, it’s also about power. As a teenager, Ratajkowski spoke of her admiration for Victoria Secret models. “They seemed powerful in a way that I never did. I wanted to be one of them.” These narratives have only continued with Generation Z, who were born after 1997. Marcos, a sixteen-year-old, gives his definition of the ideal guy in Peggy Orenstein’s 2020 New York Times bestseller Boys & Sex. “You’ve got to look ripped, be tall, have fair skin, talk to a lot of girls. Your basic stuff, pretty much. I don’t fit into it at all, because for one, I’m Latino. And I’m short. And I’m not ripped.” As much as we wish it wasn’t this way, most of us learn these principles by observation and we accept that it’s the way our culture works. Some of us choose to respond to this by playing the game. This was our first theory in the opening paragraphs, which is that attaining our best body means going to whatever lengths necessary to fit into the cultural standard. Through some combination of plastic surgery, supplements, dieting and obsessive workout routines, we’ll eventually “make it”. We will grow in acceptance, affirmation and power, the burden of not being enough finally lifted once we get THERE.

The problem with this approach is that it is rooted in scientific falsehood. First coined by the Harvard-trained psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar, arrival fallacy can be defined as, “the illusion that once we make it, once we attain our goal or reach our destination, we will reach lasting happiness.”

In one way or another, most of us have experienced this phenomenon. It’s not just a scientific concept, but a lived experience. Few things are as disheartening as finally achieving a goal (i.e. being considered beautiful by others), only to find that it didn’t provide you with the sense of satisfaction you thought it would. “I post Instagram photos that I think of as testaments to my beauty and then obsessively check the likes to see if the internet agrees. I collect this data more than I want to admit, trying to measure my allure as objectively and brutally as possible. I want to calculate my beauty to protect myself, to understand exactly how much power and lovability I have,” writes Ratajkowski. This sobering reality shines light into the dark underbelly of beauty and fame. Social acceptance doesn’t negate insecurity and anxiety. The cultural standard is always a moving scale, hinging on the comments of the crowd.  Ratajkowski remarks, “as a woman I’m always thinking if only my ass was a little tighter or my nose my whole life would be different...”  Some of you read that and it’s not a surprise. For others, it’s shocking. Celebrated as a sex symbol, Ratajkowski is envied by women and drooled over by men.  But as Halle Berry has said, “my looks haven’t spared me one hardship.” So what do we gain if we are to pursue this approach with our bodies?  Let’s consider what would be arguably the best-case scenario. While there are a select few that are born with a genetic makeup that meets "the cultural standard", suppose the rest of us get there by combination of plastic surgery, obsessive workout regimens, supplements and rigorous dieting. So we arrived between the B and C cup, with just the right amount of bust. We developed “the Hollywood body” of toned arms and washboard abs. Rhinoplasty helped us reconfigure our nose to help us achieve the “perfect” shape. Whatever the case, due to genetic makeup or by sheer willpower, let’s just consider what happens when we arrive on the cusp of the cultural standard For definition-sake, that would mean, “having the overwhelming majority of people view you as someone who is sexually-desirable, leading to an increase in affirmation, acceptance and power.” Likes go up. More people start becoming attracted to you. You gain access to certain things that you never could have imagined before. But instead of reaching “lasting happiness” as the Harvard-trained Ben-Shahar puts it, our physical beauty becomes a modern-day narcotic that is activated through the affirmation and praise of the outside world. “One of the biggest risk factors for getting addicted to any drug is easy access to that drug,” writes Dr. Anna Lembke, director of addiction medicine at Stanford. Perhaps this is what Ratajkowski is talking about when she writes, “there’s a thrill in knowing that folks all over the world might be talking about what I posted. It’s quite a rush to create a tidal wave like that whenever I want.” Since we meet this standard, our beauty becomes the easy-access drug -- a weapon for us to wield, a trophy to be put on display.  So we keep posting pictures of ourselves on Instagram, our hearts firmly set on achieving the proverbial high that comes from the comments section. We leave our shirts unbuttoned, secretly storing up the stares from people as they walk by in order to keep our confidence high. We get to date others who are sexually-desirable, becoming all the talk amongst our social circles. We get to give off the impression that we’ve made it. We ride this train all the way down to its destination, which is that being beautiful becomes a core part of our identity and self-worth. Beauty becomes a way for you to be “special” as Ratajkowski puts it. If you’ve flaunted that beauty online, it becomes “photographic evidence” of your value.  But over time, the allure of this slowly starts to fade and the pain-pleasure balance in our brains becomes fried.  We need more extravagant forms of praise to achieve that same sort of high. Dr. Lembke speaks of this in her 2021 best-seller Dopamine Nation, explaining that repeated exposure to high-dopamine stimuli will cause us to “need more of our drug of choice to get the same effect.” In practical terms, that might mean that the sexy photo that we posted a year ago brought in 1,000 likes and 50 comments, but now we need 5,000 likes and 250 comments to achieve that same sort of high. Our lives become predicated upon what scientists call experience-dependent plasticity. Positive emotions are activated by leveraging our beauty, but the longer and more frequently we try to activate it, the more fleeting it becomes. Perhaps the most painful reality is the harrowing realizations that come with a sustained period of “living out” the cultural standard “I knew that by most standards I should be happy -- I’d achieved the thing that all aspiring actresses and models are thought to want: to be known for their beauty and desirability. “You’ve made it!” the friend who had commented on my navy jacket years before wrote to me on Facebook, reminding me of how the world viewed my success,” Ratajkowski writes. As we consider our rise to the top of the illustrious mountain called beauty, we start reconsidering whether the view from the top is all that glamorous at all. “Strangers greeted me with enthusiasm. Famous men I’d had crushes on as a child hit on me. I was on the covers of magazines, got invited to glamorous parties I’d never dreamed of attending… yet I felt like I was spinning and out of control…” Ratajkowski adds. Questions start swirling around our heads. Do people actually love me for ME? Or just because of how I look? Is there more to life than this?  There are variations to these questions, of course. For Ratajkowski, this meant thoughts if she was “nothing more than an LA piece of ass” to those she was auditioning for in TV and film. She wondered “how limited” her power really was as a result of her beauty, if people take her “seriously”. This was also a thought for the mega sex-symbol Kim Kardashian, after visiting the White House to advocate for incarcerated individuals.  She remarks, “Okay, I'm here in the White House and then the next day I was posting, like, a crazy bikini selfie. And I was thinking, I hope they don't see this. I have to go back there next week."  While Ratajkowski and Kardashian come at the beauty standard from a female point of view, we must acknowledge how the power dynamic between genders continues on the way past grade-school into adulthood. Men might have an easier time being taken seriously with sex-symbol status, but this doesn’t make them immune to the pitfalls. Matthew McConaughey made the decision in 2009 to step away from romantic comedies for this reason, where he was often typecast as a hunky catch, such as in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days Things went radio silent for him for over eight months, with no offers for roles after just turning down $14.5 million to do another romantic comedy. When we also consider what Halle Berry said earlier, looks have not prevented men from hardship, either.  Efron rose to fame as an international sex-symbol in the early 2010s, yet this was not a cure-all for his life, as in that same time period he sought treatment for substance abuse and alcoholism. While all these examples provide a lens into the lives of celebrities who are viewed as beautiful, our experiences exist on a spectrum. Our stories must be accounted for on an individual basis, yet the sentiments remain true. We may not have 28 million followers, but the best case scenario of “achieving” the cultural standard will inevitably cause us to confront arrival fallacy.  At one point or another, it will likely spring about existential questions about the meaning of life. You may wonder if people actually love you for who you are or for your status as someone beautiful. And as we learn from Ratajkowski’s story, we’ll likely still struggle with some form of insecurity, as we all probably do at this very moment. But as we mentioned from the top, this sobering reality is actually the best-case scenario of climbing the mountain of beauty. What then, do we make of lesser scenarios or even the worst-case scenario? By our estimation, burnout is all but inevitable. As we push and push and push to reach this arbitrary standard, we find ourselves drowning in the cognitive distortion of “I should” statements. I should be farther along by now.  I should have a smaller nose. I should have a smaller waist. I should have bigger arms. Shame and comparison are scientifically-proven to be terrible motivators. It won’t become long until we find ourselves experiencing decreased motivation, along with a low-grade sense of depression that we didn’t reach the goal. This all without considering the methods we actually employ to try to meet the cultural standard. We bombard our body with supplements, fad diets and rigorous workout routines. In our effort to look better, we actually become unhealthier.  Which goes to say, in some cases the people we aspire to look like have some of the unhealthiest bodies out there. On the surface, this might be undetectable, but a few blood panels and a nutrition assessment will reveal the truth. Some of you who are reading this right now might be shaking your smartphone or computer screen going... YES! This is what I've been preaching all along. For you, the key towards unlocking your best body is by embracing it as-is and adopting a mindset of body positivity.


“When it first rose to popularity, body positivity appeared to me as a shining city on a hill,” writes Aubrey Gordon in her bestseller What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat. Beginning in the early 2010s, the body positivity movement has garnered quite the stir as it aims to promote a positive self-body image no matter your size.   “At the outset of its popularization, body positivity felt broad, welcoming, all-encompassing. It held the promise of a home for all of us,” Gordon adds.  Depending on where you live in the world, you’ve probably encountered the fruits of this movement through a subway ad, a billboard or simply by scrolling through Victoria Secret’s Instagram feed Just this past fall, an Old Navy campaign featuring plus-size models could be seen all across advertising platforms in New York City. The campaign name? Bod=quality. But for all the positive messaging that has come out of the movement, Gordon says that it is flawed because it stops short of “full inclusion”, particularly for those who she says are very fat.  “Over time, body positivity has made its constituency clear. It has widened the warm and fickle embrace of beauty standards ever so slightly. Now it showers its affections not only on beautiful, able-bodied fair-skinned women under a size-4 but on beautiful, able-bodied, fair-skinned women under size-12.” A little digging will quickly confirm Gordon’s observations. Almost all of the plus-size models on Victoria’s Secret’s feed likely fit under a size-12, not to mention the fact they’d probably all classify as having “pretty faces”.  Somehow even a movement of so-called body positivity has now been infected by the sliding scale that is the cultural standard of beauty Sonya Renee Taylor, in her NY-Times bestseller The Body is Not an Apology proposes a fresher idea, “What if we all committed to the idea that no one should have to apologize for being a human in a body?” As one of the more outspoken voices in the space, Taylor calls us to embrace the idea of radical self-love. That we should love ourselves, as we are, right now.  But outsiders often get confused as to what this really means and the message it is promoting. Joe Rogan, the famed podcast host, had this to say: “Don't lie to me about the physical reality of what you've done to your body if you reach 400 pounds. That's not healthy. You're saying it's healthy.  You're saying it's okay. No, you're just not dead yet. If you lost 200 pounds you'd feel wonderful. That would be healthier. To just go on about this fat acceptance movement, you know 'big, beautiful this and that.' No, you're obese." In this line of thinking, if you’re overweight and promoting a message to love yourself now, then you’re promoting a narrative that being physically unhealthy is a good thing. Why are we glorifying obese bodies? Since we are trying to discover what our best body is, it would be remiss for us to say that optimal health is found at several hundred pounds.  Harvard Health speaks of how visceral fat, which pads the spaces between our abdominal organs, “has been linked to metabolic disturbances and increased risk for cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes. In women, it is also associated with breast cancer and the need for gallbladder surgery.” Yet we should not also assume because someone is of a larger size, they’re automatically not healthy.  “Despite years of organic eating and focusing on nutrition, no one had ever called me healthy,” reflects Gordon. That is before one of her most recent doctors stamped that elusive healthy label on her.

Of course, not everyone fits neatly into the “thin” or “fat” categories. Most of us are struggling with body image issues on a spectrum in-between. But through the stories of Ratajkowski and Gordon, we identify a core narrative for all of us, which is to be loved and accepted. 

Gordon in particular makes a remarkable case in her book that fat people, particularly those who are very fat, are one of the most oppressed people groups on the planet. They are constantly treated as second-class citizens, humiliated on airplanes, “fat-called” on the streets and shamed by doctors in checkups.  In many ways, there are striking parallels between racism, sexism and what you could perhaps call fatism.  Fat people are not shown dignity and treated as less-than-human simply because they are fat.  Empathy is commonly withheld from fat people because well... they chose to be this way. Just stop eating so much. “The logic goes like this: every thin person is healthier than every fat person, every fat person can become thin if they try hard enough, fat people simply eat too much and our greed and gluttony has made us fat,” quips Gordon. If it was only that simple.  Things only become more complicated when we start putting health, acceptance and body image in the same conversation. It detracts from the core problem that persists both for those adopting a body positivity mindset and for those trying to pursue the beauty standard. Which is that our bodies are intertwined with our identities and self-worth.  When we glorify bodies in general, whether thin or fat, we draw attention to them and communicate that the way we look defines who we are. It becomes a core part of our identity, if not the most important thing about us. There is a cultural tidal wave suffocating us with this narrative constantly. Almost everywhere we look, there is heavy emphasis on the body. And because we desire acceptance and we look to people for our self-worth, it can feel like all odds are stacked against us having a healthy relationship with our own bodies.  But luckily, there is a third option.


In her book, Taylor reflects on the original relationship we had with our bodies:  “We did not start life in a negative partnership with our bodies. I have never seen a toddler lament the sizes of their thighs, the squishiness of their belly. Children do not arrive here ashamed… babies love their bodies!” She makes a striking point here, that body image issues are not something we are born with, rather it’s something that we learn. She goes on to say: “Radical self-love is indeed our inherent natural state, but social, political and economic systems of oppression have distanced us from that knowing.” Quite the existential claim, that we weren’t only born to love ourselves, but that it is our natural state. Which goes to say, there is a gulf that exists between humans and the other mammals that walk the Earth. There’s something deep within us that simply knows that human life is valuable. This is the reason why injustice pains us. Why racism and sexism bring us sorrow. Why rape and murder are so appalling.  Animals might be hunted in the woods, but humans weren’t meant to be among the hunted. We’re set apart in the animal kingdom. This knowing, this radical self-love, is what Taylor says is inherent. But this idea from Taylor is not new. In the early pages of Genesis, we learn that humans were created in the image of God, the creator. Quite literally, this means that we are all born with an “imprint” of God, designed to be a mirror of his love, grace and compassion to the outside world.  This also simultaneously affirms that because we are all made in the image of God, we have inherent worth, that nothing we can do could make us more or less valuable than we are right now.

Like a manufacturer who creates a line of products with a price-tag, our maker places worth upon us. And this is our starting point for our best bodies.

Where do we extract our sense of worth? By looking to the one who made us.  As we embrace the seal of approval that has been upon us since birth, we learn that our fellow bodies on the factory line have no say in what we’re worth, only the manufacturer does. And that is why this is our inherent state. “While not completely unrelated to self-esteem or self-confidence, radical self-love is its own entity, a lush and verdant island offering safe harbor for self-esteem and self-confidence. Unfortunately, those two ships often choose to wander aimlessly adrift at sea, relying on willpower or ego to drive him, and in the absence of those motors are left hopelessly pursuing the fraught mirage of someday,” Taylor writes. But what Taylor alludes to here, is that mere willpower is not going to help us live out this vision. By our estimation, when the creator himself is removed from the equation, it becomes a battle of wills and willpower. Who determines what I’m worth? Either I do or the crowd does. The Instagram likes do. The fat-shamers do. The opposite sex does. And when this becomes the case, can I muster up enough courage to believe that they are wrong? After-all, what makes the crowd's opinion less true than the opinion I have of myself? If they say my boobs aren’t big enough, my waist not tight enough, that my nose is too big or my frame too lanky, how do I know that isn't true? Why shouldn’t I believe them? When the creator is taken out of the equation, the answer to this question becomes a bit murky. You're valuable because well.. you just are It becomes a matter of subjective truth, which is essentially a truth based on a person’s perspective, feelings or opinions. But what we really need is security found in objective truth, which is something that is true for everyone, whether everyone agrees with it or not. Which goes to say that before we can even think about our best body, we have to settle our identity and self-worth. Our security is rooted in knowing that we are made in the image of God and our maker stamped us with a seal of value. It is only then we can embrace the idea of radical-self love without constantly feeling on shaky ground. As we embrace the objective truth that the appearance of our bodies have no bearing on our self-worth, we start living freer and lighter. No longer are we weighed down by the opinions of others, because that is not where we extract our sense of approval.  We can then fight for the dignity and justice of all bodies, no matter their appearance. No one should be subject to mistreatment because of how they look. We love this line from Taylor, “we know that bodies are neither wrong nor right. They just are.”  The health conversation also becomes dramatically easier, because it does not become convoluted with questions of self-worth. From a place of genuine love, we can have honest conversations about behaviors and practices. Your best body can only be achieved by considering what you’re putting in your body and in turn, how that affects your body. We also must consider the science of exercise, learning how we can pursue a vision of longevity over vanity.  Ultimately, the pursuit of our best body only functions properly if we stay in our own lane, rebuffing the attempts of culture to influence us thinking that the way someone else looks should influence how I look.  Remember, our bodies have no bearing on our self-worth. Two millennia ago, Jesus walked the streets of Israel with a simple message, that the kingdom of God is near. Speaking to a culture that was then plush with kingdoms, Jesus used this figurative language to communicate that God was about to get his way. The creator was about to press the reset button.  Things were going to start resembling how they were always meant to be. We can play our part in restoring this beautiful design by embracing the original schematic for our best body, which includes three things:
    1. First, that humans have inherent value, but that the appearance of the human body has absolutely zero bearing on that value.
    2. Second, the human body needs certain nutrients to function properly off the natural elements of the creator’s beautiful green Earth. 
    3. Lastly, the human body was built for longevity by regular interaction with four core activities: endurance, flexibility, balance and strength. 
 If we adopt these three pillars and separate our pursuit from everyone else’s, we’ll find this journey doesn’t have to be so complicated after-all.


So how do we actually live this out then, practically speaking?  After years of digesting so many narratives that put great focus on the body, we will have to spend years unlearning those narratives as we step into a better one.  This starts with the types of messages we are ingesting on a daily basis. You may be committed to a new narrative, but culture certainly is not.  It’s healthy to put boundaries in place that will keep us from being seduced back into faulty mindsets through social media and the digital space. But we can’t simply eliminate a mindset without replacing it. This process will also require a daily remembrance of what Taylor calls your “divine enoughness”.  This isn’t simply trying to convince yourself of a subjective truth, having arguments with people in your head and struggling with the willpower to believe your opinion over theirs. No, you are reminding and affirming to yourself an objective truth, a fact about your inherent worth. We’ll also have to educate ourselves about healthy approaches to food, nutrition, fitness and exercise, taking practical steps towards implementing what we've learned in our daily lives.  While none of this will happen overnight, there is beauty in embracing the process. Day-by-day, we can start becoming part of the solution for a culture smothered by body-image issues. We can use what we’ve learned to help others and use it as an opportunity to forge bonds and navigate the struggle together.  Particularly for women, creating spaces of openness and vulnerability (as opposed to competition), can be an incredibly therapeutic process. But perhaps most of all, it’s accepting the invitation to play our part in restoring how things were always meant to be. For more on body image, click here to visit our Body Image Hub.


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